Hurricane Dean Tough on Locals

While Jamaicans will be fending for themselves, American tourists are "headed out of Dodge" on anything that moves.

"They will be leaving to the safety of their homes while we will be drowning like rats in rum," Captain Kwami Morgan was quoted as saying. Morgan is head of Kingston, Jamaica's para sailing venue.

"It's typical, he continued. A little rain and the Americans flip out. Where is their sense of adventure? Think of para sailing in 145mph winds? How cool would that be?"

Apparently not as cool as initially thought. The Jamaicans, who were told that a batch of small "thunderstorms" might be likely in the next few hours have done little to prepare for the oncoming juggernaut, destined to flatten the island over the next 24 hours. Jamaican Prime Minister Portia Simpson Miller called for a halt to campaigning for the Aug. 27 general elections, saying: "Let us band together and unite in the threat of this "breeze," an obvious attempt to downplay the severity of the storm. "Let us keep all of the election signs in place." It will be too much trouble to replace them later if one or two of them should topple.," she continued.

Ms. Miller is currently smashed on coke and rum and plans to ride out the "breeze" in a 20 foot thick concrete bunker below the surface of Jamaica. According to the National Hurricane Center in Miami, Florida, she will be able to emerge from that structure sometime in 2009, when the water will recede sufficiently for her to resume her campaign, which will have ended two years prior to her departure.