Manufacturers Recall All Baby Items

In an unprecedented move by American manufacturers, virtually everything sold to and on behalf of American infants is being recalled due to dangerous defects in materials or because they represent potential health hazards ranging from mild rashes to death.

Gerber's Foods has announced a total recall of all merchandise sold to all food chains across the nation. This was followed by a swift recall of all child safety restraints and an invesitgation of the milk mothers produce in nursing their infants.

All cribs have been pulled from the marketplace as well as rattles and pretty much everything that has been produced in the last 10 years due to exorbitant toxicity levels equaled only by mustard gas which was popularized in World War 1 as a deterrent to mischevious behavior on the part of Allied troops in that conflict.

A spokesperson for Gerber's Foods commented that children die every day for a variety of reasons and that to blame a single entity for the mishaps that the "little curtain climbers are prone to get into" is no reason for panic. "Christ, there a millions of them. Attrition can't be all bad."