North Koreans Hose Up Missile Launch

The North Koreans, unaware of the upcoming 4th of July celebrations in the U.S. blew an opportunity to launch a missile at Hawaii in what would have been a "surprise" for Honolulu and outlying areas.

Instead, the North Koreans were seen scrambling to assemble a bottle rocket to launch into the compound of the U.S. Embassy in Pyongyang.

According to an unidentified spokesperson for the North Koreans, the bottle rocket exploded in the hands of a Korean scientist as he was preparing it with nitroglycerin and confetti. He was treated at a nearby hospital and promptly shot by North Korean authorities after the mishap.

The North Koreans are now in the process of deciding where their next failed launch will take place but it is expected to be no sooner than Labor Day at which point no one will give a damn, according to sources in Washington.

"It's not really a holiday per se," stated Paul Dwivel, spokesman for the Department of North Korean launch failures. "But we'll keep an eye on them just in case they decide to try a cherry bomb in downtown Seoul."