Republicans Consider Molestation A Family Value

Republican leaders, under intense pressure to keep the lid on their sexual perversions, announced today that the will simply add child molestation as a Family Value.

"We are not yet certain how high on the list of values it will be," remarked Ralph Blisterfill, Republican chairman of The House Committee on the Protection of Children. "But we'll ask the rank and file of the party to come up with a suitable response to the questionnaire we sent out to them. We expect a large return, given the number of participants. When asked by Rag Box Child Molestation correspondent, Jim Futile, how many of the questionnaires went out, Blisterfill was hesitant to speculate, but insisted that the privacy of individuals should be protected under such circumstances, hinting only that a partial list could be found at the following link:

Republicans who have molested children recently.

Blisterfill did not hesitate to say that the list at that link only represented the tip of the iceberg, but "we felt compelled to start somewhere."

Asked if he was planning to add any additional Family Values for Republicans, Blisterfill added that incest was not off the table.