Clinton Surrenders Post To Clinton

In a stunning turn of events, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton has relinquished her post to former president and periodic husband, Bill Clinton.

Though declining to be specific, the Secretary of State articulated to reporters that her husband's recent success in negotiating the release of two journalists from a North Korean prison had little to do with her decision to hand over the post to her intermittent spouse.

Speaking candidly, Clinton (Hillary) stated that her ability to get anything done in a world where in many parts women are considered just above the level of plankton in importance contributed to her sense of unease about her ability to interact on the world stage. "North Korea, case in point," she snapped.

During a recent interview in the Congo, the Secretary quipped that she was in fact the Secretary of State, not her husband, despite his successes in recent weeks. When pressed on the matter, Clinton threw her hands in the air and said, "What the Hell. He's in. I'm out." She then proceeded to leave but instead of the plane normally available to her, she was forced to take a mule back to the capital, Brazzaville, as her husband waived to her from overhead.

The former president has been seeking to establish himself as a force to be reckoned with, using his wife's position to re-enter the political arena after several years of haphazard womanizing and general misconduct. The latter placed him in good standing with Kim Jung IL of North Korea, himself considered to be a bit of a playboy. The release of the two journalists was considered a fait accompli as soon as Bill enter Pyongyang carrying a pair of sunglasses for the Communist leader and a cigar whose use was not immediately made evident since IL does not smoke.

"But this is the sort of thing Bill (former president) is good at. The ability to use his own miscreant nature to get things done 'under the table' so to speak," remarked White House staff member Gene Wherewithall. "Besides, he's a man."

When asked by Rag Box White House correspondent Rex Triptoast whether the latter remark constituted a male chauvinist attitude, Wherewithall scoffed at the suggestion and offered, "you don't see me getting all nutty with the Congolese just because my menstrual cycle is getting the better of me. If I were the Secretary of State and wanted to get things done, I'd wait until just before my ovulation. And if she doesn't like it (presumably Hillary Clinton) she can take it up with me after her next hot flash."

Bill Clinton is scheduled to meet with the Iranians next week who have offered to abandon their nuclear program and become a true Democracy if "Mr. Bill" will simply show up and wave to the crowds. In addition, the drug cartels working out of Columbia and Mexico have agreed to forgo their illegal activities if Bill Clinton will advise them on how to become part of NAFTA. He is scheduled to provide a workable National Health Care plan he has been working on in his spare time that he guarantees "will leave no one with a dissenting opinion."