Sunday
Friday
G-8 Summit Tosses $20.00 at World's Hungry
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8:23 PM
Thursday
Lebron James Videotape Siezed
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12:00 PM
Wednesday
Michael Jackson Tributes To Continue Until 2020

The same media that spent years vilifying the entertainer as a pedophile and walking freak show has decided, in a surprising turn of events, to deify the musical pop icon. A few of the planned expositions and tributes are listed below.
- Plans are underway for a 400 foot statue of a sequined glove in downtown New York near the Guggenheim Museum
- The Rhinoplasty Center in Sewell N.J. is planning an entourage of 400 doctors and nurses to form a phalanx shaped in the likeness of Jackson's nose and march themselves in unison down Old Mill road and terminate at Washington Lake Park, where the doctors will then disperse in the shape of a giant nosebleed.
- Children in Newton, Mississippi will assemble at city hall where they will run as quickly as possible in all directions when the mayor announces that Michael Jackson is in fact alive, and headed toward the city. "We already have a Jackson hunt planned for next year," stated mayor Dan Johnson. "We have an egg with the face of Michael Jackson on it. We are going to hide it in our park and the child who finds it will be asked to turn it into the police and receive a reward."
- All ELCA Lutheran Churches across the nation who bear the name "St. Michael" will instead name them "St. Jackson" in honor of the King of Pop's generous donations over the years.
Other venues such as the Mars Candy Corporation are making plans to name a new snack after Jackson called the Jack-O Bar, tentatively made up of a core of dark chocolate and peanuts smothered in a white chocolate coating.
Television and other media outlets have already agreed to a series of "specials" and "in depth" memorials designed to take his memory into 2020. When asked by The Rag Box as to why the media would now, in essence, deify an individual they spent nearly 30 years vilifying. most responded by saying, "Hey. Dude is dead. We can afford to be nice to him now."
As a matter of record, The Rag Box wishes to offer its own tribute, already executed by a party of individuals whose video follows. WARNING. CONTAINS OFFENSIVE LANGUAGE VIEW AT YOUR OWN RISK.
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7:52 AM
Sunday
Ousted Honduran President Chooses Own Country As Grave Marker
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7:27 AM
Saturday
Khamenei and Ahmadinejad U.S. Agents
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7:23 AM
Thursday
North Koreans Hose Up Missile Launch
The North Koreans, unaware of the upcoming 4th of July celebrations in the U.S. blew an opportunity to launch a missile at Hawaii in what would have been a "surprise" for Honolulu and outlying areas.
Instead, the North Koreans were seen scrambling to assemble a bottle rocket to launch into the compound of the U.S. Embassy in Pyongyang.
According to an unidentified spokesperson for the North Koreans, the bottle rocket exploded in the hands of a Korean scientist as he was preparing it with nitroglycerin and confetti. He was treated at a nearby hospital and promptly shot by North Korean authorities after the mishap.
The North Koreans are now in the process of deciding where their next failed launch will take place but it is expected to be no sooner than Labor Day at which point no one will give a damn, according to sources in Washington.
"It's not really a holiday per se," stated Paul Dwivel, spokesman for the Department of North Korean launch failures. "But we'll keep an eye on them just in case they decide to try a cherry bomb in downtown Seoul."
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9:00 PM
Social Network Leads Nomadic Existence
"Sure we've lost hundreds of members," stated Scott Free, a TBD member. "But we'll gain new members.
When asked about the loss of the old members, some of whom had been with the old location for a long period of time, Free suggested that if they were too lazy or dumb to make it over to the new site, then they should be abandoned in the desert like the snakes they are.
"Sure, the new home is a royal mess and bears little resemblance to the old site and people will be confused beyond measure. But like good nomads we will adapt,"
Free went on to say.
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8:55 AM
Wednesday
Mississippi Teen Birth Rate No. 1

As first reported by the Rag Box in December of 2002, Mississippi now leads the nation in teen pregnancies. The milestone was reached in 2006, the last year statistics were kept by unscrupulous volunteer teen pregnancy counters who followed the youths around for months making certain that the alleged pregnancies were in fact true.
"It's an honor to be from Mississippi and receive the title "The Preggers State." stated McKeishelle Quanza, head of the Teen Pregnancy Consortium.
"We worked hard to receive this distinction. I want to thank the many volunteers who poked holes in prophylactic packages in all of the pharmacies in the state, and substituted the "pill" with Pez tablets," continued Quanza.
In addition to the work of volunteers, the state of Mississippi also assisted by dropping sex education classes and terminating counseling and other resources that would have kept the distinction as the Teen pregnancy Capital in the state of Texas, which previously held the record.
The state legislature has tentatively adopted a new slogan for the state: "We Don't Miss in Mississippi", a reference to the fact that the state's teenagers know where and how to hit their intended target as often as possible.
"And none of them other jive ass states better try to pass us up for the title coz if we have to, we'll take the goods outta ev'ry fertility clinic in the state to keep the record," stated Lawandell Jones, a Mississippi teen who is responsible for the pregnancies of no less than 30 teens over the past year.
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5:33 PM








